Rogue auditor?

It takes all sorts to make a world, writes Aanas Ruhomaully, and this is true in the auditing world too, which has its fair share of professionals, amateurs and rogues. Here are a few I think you might find familiar, although any resemblance to auditors who may exist is, of course, completely coincidental.

A good auditor is one who adds value to an organisation with easy-to-implement and effective recommendations, but, believe me, it is an endangered, if not extinct, species.

The cynic

A cynical auditor enter non-smoking areas smoking a cigarette. No one dares ask him to stop; he’s an auditor after all. Of course, he never hesitates to raise this as a non-conformity in someone else. Other examples include taking photographs in areas where they are forbidden or pretending not to notice security warnings.

The psuedo-productive

Productivity is a misunderstood concept. For most being productive means reliably and quickly manufacturing many items. However, a productive auditor is not someone who raises a high number of non-conformities.

The doormat

Doormat auditors ‘spare the powerful but spank the powerless’. Managers go unscathed even if they are emperors of malpractice while people low in the organisation reap many non-conformities for petty issues.

Archimedes’ disciple

Finding a non-conformity is not the climax of auditing although some auditors behave as if it is. They start the day tense and nervous and then, eureka! As soon as the first one is found, all the tension disappears.

The evidence-aholic

An evidence-based approach is one of the fundamental principles of auditing. However, these auditors fail to understand that not everything can be documented.

The overfed

Having lunch in the auditee company is acceptable but walking back home with entire boxes of biscuits if you’ve audited a biscuit-making company is not. The price of an auditor is not only his daily fees but also that of his conscience.

The procedure manual addict

Quality documentation, such as the procedures manual, is rarely available where it is the most needed. It remains locked in the quality manager’s drawer only to be removed for audits. These auditors are at a loss without this manual.

The know-it-all

This species of auditor learns the jargon of a particular field before doing the job. A laudable effort indeed, however the effort would have been better served auditing the business processes.

The spy

Auditors move from company to company, picking up good practices here and recommending them there. However, they also pick up competitive intelligence. Secrecy pledges can be signed but would the CEO of Pepsico sleep soundly if he knew his ISO external auditor was going to audit Coca Cola the next day and vice versa?

The unrealistic

While a micrometer used to monitor the thickness of gold plating should be included in the calibration plan, it would be ridiculous to include a ruler used to get a rough estimate of the length of a piece of cloth. Now, go and explain that to these auditors.

About the author

Aanas Ruhomaully is an environmental engineer who lives and works in Mauritius